Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
