yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My liver just broke up with me...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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