They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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