I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
