Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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