I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
