Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
