I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
