We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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