ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize