Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
