look no pants
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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