Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
