Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
