I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
