i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
not ubering you a puppy
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
