A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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