I just pynch a tree in the face
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
