clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
