Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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