He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I love you. Go after that dick
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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