Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
