shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
