All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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