Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
