i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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