I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I have feelings that need drinking.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
