my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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