btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
please come you make the beer taste better
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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