Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
