Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
