The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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