If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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