I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
