i don't like sucking hair
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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