Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
