we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize