But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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