My friends, they love my intelligence
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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