If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
