Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Randomize
