to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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