Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Drunk is not a location!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
