The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
