Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
