Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
