i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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