I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
