i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I got inside last night via doggy door
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
