That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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