im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
soo... how was my night?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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