I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
