I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
