If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
