singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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