Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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