and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
