You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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