your thong is hanging out like whoa
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
