Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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