You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
