i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
