My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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