dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize