Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
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