I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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