That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
