He kissed a someone with a penis
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize