i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So many bounce houses so little time
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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