Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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